Resident Evil Bloopers
by Hammer of god
Summary: Some funny scenes from all the Resident Evil games.
1. Ada Meets Leon P1

Resident Evil Scenes

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Resident Evil 4: When Ada meets Leon

Leon wiped the sweat off his forehead as he combined the founded crests and put them in the hole in the door. _Damn wolfs... _He thought to himself opening the door.

Leon walked in slowly to add effect to his own drama.

Leon walked in further and suddenly felt the barrel of a cold gun to his back, he diverted his eyes slightly to notice the woman in red behind him. And with a swift motion he pushed his arm into the back of her shoulder diverting the gun from her but before he could grab she kicked it away and as she grabbed it he pulled out his knife and put it to her throat.

" You should try knifes, better for close encounters." He told to her smirking.

" Leon, it's been a long time." The woman purred.

" wait... You can't be Ada, she didn't wear a scarf" Leon told her frowning and then Ada took off her scarf. " She didn't wear sunglasses" Leon added. Ada smiled and took off the sunglasses.

Leon decided to see how far he could go with this, " She also didn't wear a skirt" Leon said keeping a straight face.

_Smack_

Leon rubbed the redness on his cheek as Ada's glasses exploded into smoke.

" You haven't changed much!" Ada yelled at Leon as she went off.

" Can't blame a man for trying" Leon smiled and then frowned as he heard that voice.

" Hullo Stanguh, What are ya buying?" Came the all to familiar voice of that damned merchant.

Leon smiled again loading some more shells into his shotgun, _anger needs a way to vent_

_R&R_


	2. Saddlers Final Speech

**Resident Evil Bloopers**

**Resident Evil 4: The Last Battle! Saddler's Speech!**

Saddler lets out another one of his weird Russian evil laughs, it starts to get irritating.

" Whats so funny?" Leon Questions.

" Oh I think you know." Saddler replies, this makes Leon give him a questioning look.

" The American prevailing is just a common cliché in your Hollywood movies! Oh Mister Kennedy you entertain me! To show my appreciation I will awaken you of your world of clichés!" Saddler says to Leon as he starts to gurgle, and- nothing happens.

" Something wrong?" Leon questions as he watches Saddler clutch his throat.

" The... Eye.. id stuck id my throad!" Saddler says all choked up.

Leon sighs and starts to walk away, " Screw this."

**Blooper Two of This Scene-**

Saddler lets out his stupid little evil laugh, it's really starting to piss the author off.

" Whats so funny?" Leon questions.

" Oh I think you know." Saddler replies to Leon, now smiling.

" The American Prevailing is just a common cliché..." And Saddler stops, " Err... Line!?" He yells to his right.

" Oh for the love of god... They don't pay me enough." Leon says walking off.

**Blooper Three of This scene-**

Saddler starts to laugh once again.

" Whats so funny?" Leon asks.

" Oh I think you know." Saddler replies to Leon.

" The American Pre-" _Bang! _And Saddler falls over, " I am Goddamn sick of this fucking speech!" Leon yells walking over to Saddler and taking what he needs. " Screw Resident Evil, I'm going to the Bahama's"


	3. Leon Meets the First Villager!

_**Resident Evil Bloopers**_

**Chapter Three: Leon's Encounter With The First Villager!**

Leon views a house, he had just gotten out of the car about two minutes ago and he had now just found this strange looking house. Leon shrugged and opened the door, viewing his surroundings. " Man this house smells like shit!" Leon mumbled to himself as he turned the corner of the hall.

He then finds what seems to be some kind of male villager, without question he goes into the room further and speaks to the guy. " Ah, excuse me sir, But have you seen this girl?" Leon asked the man holding out a picture of Ashley.

"Qué carajo haces aquí? Lárgate, cabrón!" (Translates to "What the hell are you doing here? Get out Asshole!") The villager yelled, Leon gasped.

" Oh yeah! Well, ¡Su Madre es una vaca gorda!" Leon yelled at the villager. (Translates to "Your Momma is a fat cow")

The villager looked confused as he looked at Leon, " ¿Ah Sí? Bien su madre era tan gorda..." But the villager was interrupted... by a bullet... in his face. " My mama ain't fat! Bitch... Oh! I mean, Hembra." Leon said to the corpse.

**Cut! Take Two!**

Leon views a house, he had just gotten out of the car about two minutes ago and he had now just found this strange looking house. Leon shrugged and opened the door, viewing his surroundings. " Man this house smells like shit!" Leon mumbled to himself as he turned the corner of the hall.

He then finds what seems to be some kind of male villager, without question he goes into the room further and speaks to the guy. " Ah, excuse me sir, But have you seen this girl?" Leon asked the man holding out a picture of Ashley.

"Qué carajo haces aquí? Lárgate, cabrón!" (Translates to "What the hell are you doing here? Get out Asshole!") The villager yelled.

" Sorry to have bothered you." Leon mumbled putting the picture away, grinding his teeth. Pretending not to notice the villager getting the axe.

Leon looked down and saw his shoe was untied, he bent down and started to tie it and to his luck, the villager missed and his axe planted itself in the wall. Leon looked over, " Are you Okay? Looks like your axe is stuck in the wall..." Leon mumbled.

The villager started to cuss poor Leon out, " Um... Okay, I'll just be going now." Leon mumbled walking out of the house and back to the police car.

" Well? What did you find out?" One of the asshole cops asked.

" The people in this village are clumsy. Probably means that it was false information, lets go." Leon said as he got in the car and they left. Poor Ashley.

**Cut! Take Three!**

Leon full blown just ran from the car, ignoring everything and just ran into the house.

The villager hadn't noticed him yet, Leon walked up right behind him and put his gun to the stupid villagers head and pulled the goddamn trigger, blowing the villagers brains everywhere. " God! Finally!" Leon grumbled as he got the body and chucked it out the window to make his escape.

To his surprise, no one was there. " What the hell?" Leon mumbled.

In The Village

We see a picture of everyone drinking something, we get a close up. " Red Bull!"

_Screen fades out and we see a man_

" Red Bull Gives You-" _Bang! _And the poor guy falls over, we now see Leon standing over him. " For Fucksake! How in the hell did a energy drink commercial get int the game!" Leon yelled.

Oh Well, Just another mystery in the world.

_Review! _


	4. Leon Meets Ada 2

_**Resident Evil Bloopers**_

_**Resident Evil 4:**_

_**Chapter Four: Leon And Ada 2**_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing**_

Leon saw a motorboat as he went down, " Great, A way out." He mumbled to himself.

" Need a ride handsome?" came the all to sexy and familiar voice of Miss Ada Wong.

"hmph... Okay" Leon replied as he holstered his handgun and entered the speedboat, They took off.

After a few minutes it was apparent that there was an island in front of them, " That looks fishy..." Leon mumbles. Leon Looks over at Ada, who smiles at him.

She then does a swift turn about ten feet from the island, still running.

She uses her grappling gun and attaches it to a ledge, " Sorry Leon, I've got some business to attend to, see you later." She said taking off.

Leon, still ignoring that the boat is out of control sighs. " Woman..." He says exasperated.

Leon still stupidly ignoring the boats controls now realizes this, but a little to late.

" Aw.. Shi-" But it cut off as the boat runs into the cliff and explodes, sending Leon forward.

" Woman..." He sighs getting up and taking a Medic spray.


	5. Claires Bad Beginning

_**Resident Evil Bloopers**_

_**Code Veronica:**_

_**Chapter Five: Claire's Bad beginning **_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing.**_

Claire felt a the stupid bag raising from her head, fourteen damn hours with a bag over your fucking head sucked! " Your Your identification number is WKD4496. Welcome to your new home." A bland guard mumbled, no real emotion.

The guard raised his gun, stock toward her. Claire knew what would happen next, she closed her eyes and felt the _Whack! _" Ow! That Fucking hurt!" Claire yelled holding her head where she had been hit.

" What the... Your supposed to be knocked out!" The guard yelled whacking her again with the stock of the gun.

" Ow! Stop it!" Claire yelled again, her head was really starting to hurt.

" Dammit!" The guard yelled in rage.

" You know what? Screw it! I'm not even going to in this game after this!" The guard yelled stomping off.

" What now?" Claire asked the other guards, they shrugged.

Claire sighed, " Looks Like Code Veronica is going to be late..."

_**Cut! Take Two!**_

Claire felt a the stupid bag raising from her head, fourteen damn hours with a bag over your fucking head sucked! " Your Your identification number is WKD4496. Welcome to your new home." A bland guard mumbled, no real emotion.

The guard raised his gun, stock toward her. Claire knew what would happen next, she closed her eyes and felt the _Whack! _

The guard looked down at her, blood was starting to form around her head.

" Oh.. Shit... We killed her." The guard mumbled backing away.

" What do you mean, we?" The others asked walking away.

" Shit! I knew I shouldn't have signed this stupid contract." The guard said angrily.

_**At Capcom HQ**_

" Were going to have to cancel RE:CV" Mr. Head Director said to the table full of who knows who.

" The world will go into panic!" The table yelled.

" Your overreacting." He reassured them.

_**28 days later**_

The whole world is in ruins, except Canada, UK and Australia and all those others.

Let that be a lesson to you.


	6. El Gigante and The dog

Resident evil Bloopers

By Joshua Carlson

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Leon gasped! El gigante stood before him, it was friggin' huge man! Leon reached for his handgun, out of bullets, he reached for his shotgun! Out of shells... All he had were rounds for the rifle, and he didn't HAVE a rifle. " Damn."

All of a sudden! A howl came from behind the giant and he saw a dog.

" Hey! It's that dog from earlier!" Leon exclaimed enthusiastically.

_CRUNCH_

" There WAS the dog from earlier..."

Cut!

Take 2

Leon heard a howl and grinned, there was the dog from earlier, the giant looked unamused however and ignored it.

The dog, not liking to be ignored went into UBER PWNAGE mode and pulled a rocket launcher, rocketing the giant into pieces.

"Yay! Puppy! Now we can be the best of friends and I'll huggle you and feed you and- Hey, don't point that at me...hey STOP THAT! NOOOOO!"

Please Review.


	7. Krauser Is one strange fighter

Resident Evil Bloopers

By Joshua Carlson

Yay! Over 2000 hits! That makes me very happy! Stay tuned and take a look at my other Resident evil fanfic, Resident evil Nursery Rhymes.

Leon could only gasp as Krauser changed before his very eyes, a weird appendange sprouting from the large man's arm. It was veiny and bloody, and it looked very sharp. _Infected with the plaga..._ Leon could only think.

" Time to die, Leon"

And a battle ensued! Lucky for Leon, he had the infinite rocket launcher! Ha-ha! But for some reason... it had little to no effect on Krauser. :\

" WTF?!" Leon exclaimed loudly in chat speak.

And then, after using all of his other weapons, he had one last desperate measure.

_SHINK!_

With one swift motion, Leon had shanked Krauser in the chest, Kruaser's heart exploded and he died.

" One..One knife attack, was all it took?"

Take 2!

Krauser transformed! And lunged at Leon, however he lost his balance...and fell off the edge. This shouldn't have been a problem, but for some reason, a spike waited at the bottom and finished Krauser.

" Was that a fixed fight?"


End file.
